SEVEN TIPS ON FINDING YOUR ‘ONE’!

The other day, I heard an interesting statement that grabbed my complete attention;

“You never truly know your partner! In fact, knowing your partner is more like the growth process of a wisdom tooth as opposed to peeling a banana!”

Now this was a baffling statement given that it was made by a woman who was in her twenty seventh year of marriage. 27!!! I was like, ‘I had better sit down and listen to this.’

Marriage, it turns out is a totally different ball game from dating. One cannot take oath and swear that they know their partner just because they have been married a very long time. People have a tendency of pulling out rabbits out of the magic hat when we least expect it.  Knowing your partner them cannot be like the peeling of a banana and aha!!!You know it all, you see it all!!! It is not that simple. 

So just like a wisdom tooth that grows an inch every so often, a growth period that is quite painful and uncomfortable I must admit, so is the discovery process in marriage. With each passing year of marriage, one learns a new character trait in their partner. Sometimes this trait comes as a shock, sometimes it could be painful, but just like the wisdom tooth, it comes to pass, you adjust, you move on.

Okay, so at this point, despair starts setting in. What hope is there then for singles out there searching for their perfect one?

It’s not all gloom and doom, the wise lady assures me. And singles should not give up on love either. However, there are some few guiding tips that a single person like yours truly, seeking to settle down at some point ought to bear in mind in their search of their life partner:

1. Develop a Friendship

This seems a bit straight forward, right? I mean, you met a guy you like, you want him to be your friend, right? Well, actually, NO. Heck, you meet a guy who makes your heart skip a beat and say stupid things because somehow, in his presence you temporarily forget your name and your mind and body want to do more than just friends!!!You want to spend every waking moment together…Then one month down the line and the novelty of this new found ‘love’(I’m using the term sparingly) wears off and soon you get bored.

Developing a friendship first involves taking things slow.  It requires you to avoid spending alone time together behind closed doors because we all know where that road eventually leads. It means, you get involved in this person’s life, but still maintaining your distance. In this way, you can study his behavior around his friends, family, workmates and strangers. Get involved in outdoor activities; invite other friends for such hangouts.  In this way, you get to see how this person behaves when angry or disappointed.

2. Do a background Check

Well, I’m not asking you to hire a private investigator to dig out dirt on your new found love.  A background check simply expects you to check this guy out while you are still friends. What is his relationship with his family like? Does he get along with them? How does he relate with his friends? How is his dating track record? I mean if word on the street is the guy goes through girls as frequent as he changes his socks, then chances of you being the girl that finally makes him settle down are pretty slim. What is his educational background? What are his dreams and ambitions? What are his religious beliefs? This is information that you can gather as a friend. Note that this could take some time. Don’t expect to get all this information in a week.

3. Keep your heart close

Declarations of undying love on the second week of knowing this guy are a recipe for disaster!! Girl, keep your heart close to you until you are sure this is the guy worthy of it. Otherwise, if you give every tom, dick and harry your heart on the day one, it will be abused, trampled on, spit on and in the end, you could end up cynical, heartbroken and cold

4. Avoid dwelling too much on physical traits

Okay, so you have always fantasized of the tall, dark and handsome or the Short, Light and handsome. Whatever, your fancy, you can’t let this be your only deciding factor in your search of a life partner. Beauty fades with time. You should be more concerned about his personality and character instead. So what if the guy is not a George Clooney or a Will Smith look alike, does he have good character? Is he a grounded person who treats himself, you and others with respect?

5. Money is not your ticket to a happy marriage

He is not Bill Gates or Jay- Z. So should you completely dismiss him? Look out for the brains and ambitions in this guy. He will eventually get there. If money is your determining criteria, then you are bound to be disappointed. You will be using him. What happens should the money run out? He gets fired? Gets into a bad investment? What then?

6. Learn the art of forgiveness and compromise

Any relationship involves a give and take.  Learn to compromise sometimes. If you both take a hard-line stance, then in the end you both lose. Learn the art of forgiveness and letting the small stuff go. Do not be petty.  Learn to be patient. Understand that you are both different individuals with different backgrounds. No one is perfect. You included.

7. Pray, Pray, Pray

Above all, pray, pray, pray. Pray for your life partner before you meet him. Pray for your partner when you meet him. Pray for patience and forgiveness because sometimes it takes divine intervention to overcome human emotions.  Trust that he that created you has your back always, even in this long, sometimes frustrating search for true love.

So, though the grass always appears greener on the other side, take a moment to reflect before jumping over the fence only to realize the reason the grass appeared greener was because the gardener watered it and trimmed it regularly! You have to put in some work and effort in your relationship for it to bear any fruit.