Men, Boys and the Power Puff Girls

I am an avid fan of cartoons. One of my all time favorite cartoon series is the power puff girls on Cartoon Network. Growing up in a small town with no cable TV, I only had access to one TV station, Kenya Broadcasting Corporation (KBC). KBC at the time did not offer a variety of cartoons for an avid cartoon lover like me. Therefore, the move to the big city in the sun (Nairobi) at the age of 17 was one of the best things that could have happened to me. Not only did I now have unlimited access to Cartoon Network, but the move came at a time when I had just finished my High School education and had lots of time on my hands. What intrigued me most about the power puff girls was the fact that despite the fact that they were little girls who did normal stuff that other little girls do (like attend school and help with the house hold chores at home), they had superpowers and they spent most of their time fighting villains and saving their little town, Townsville.  Talk of girl power…

Girl power as a term of empowerment, expressed a cultural phenomenon of the 1990s and early 2000s. The modern woman today knows what she wants and how to go for it. However, despite the empowerment, despite the feminist movements, behind the power suits and the accolades is a woman who seeks to be loved and treasured. 

Last week, I was watching the 3^rd season of the series Scandal, and a conversation between President Fitz and Rowan Pope got me thinking about ‘men’ and ‘boys’ and the women in their lives. Rowan Pope described himself a ‘man’ because he worked for everything he has. He called Fitz a ‘boy’ because he grew up privileged (his father was a Senator) and everything he has was handed to him on a silver platter.

The English Dictionary offers various definitions of a boy. The main definition though is a male child usually below the age of 18 years. The other definition of a boy is an immature male. Clearly my focus here is on this latter definition, The Immature male.

 I therefore set out on a mission to find out the differences between a man and a boy and my findings were as follows;

1. Vision and Ambition

A ‘boy’ lacks vision and ambition. He lives by the philosophy of YOLO (You only live once!) and parties hard. He has no 5 year plan, No 10 year plan. He lives in the moment. He does not plan on marrying the woman or women in his life because simply put he doesn’t plan as far as tomorrow. Boys don’t know what they want, they are still trying to figure it out

A man knows what he wants. He may not be where he wants to be but always has a plan in motion to get him where he wants to be. This is what we call, dating a man with great potential. Most women have a knack of spotting a man with potential. 

2. Self-Centered

A ‘boy’ is all about me, myself and I. My best friend once dated such a guy. He would only call her when he wanted a favor or was in some sort of mess. But once things were stable, he would literally go missing in action (M.I.A). He would not pick her calls nor return them and he would feign amnesia next time he was in a tight corner and needed her help again. What irked me the most was that even when he did find time in his ‘busy’ schedule to hang out with her, the topic revolved around him, his job, his family drama, his boss, his house, his car….you get where I am going with this….The guy was just too self centered. I am over the moon excited that my best friend finally decided to boot his sorry self out of her life. He is a boy!!!

A man will want to know how you are. He will genuinely listen to you ramble on about your day. He communicates, he calls, he returns missed calls. He cares about other people. He considers you in his plans. He cares about your family, your worries. 

3. Commitment and Family

You know you are dating a boy if three months down the line you still aren’t sure whether the two of you are dating or just friends who hang out a lot!!! You are dating a boy if your relationship status on face book reads ‘It’s complicated’. You are also dating a boy if he always has a good excuse not to meet your family (Read Parents, siblings, and relatives) and friends.

A man defines the relationship from the onset. You will have no doubt in your mind whether the two of you are in a relationship or not. He will not think twice about meeting your family and friends. He will not hesitate to introduce you to his family and friends.

4. Zero Backbone

Apparently women also play a key role in determining whether they are dating a man with a backbone or a boy with zero backbone. Men are wired to be hunters, providers and protectors. Therefore the minute this role is taken away from them; they revert back to boyish tendencies. When a woman starts paying all the bills in the relationship she is dating a ‘boy’. Consultation and communication are important in any relationship but a ‘boy’ is one who will allow his woman to make, without consultation, all the important decisions in the relationship with no objections from him.  A man steps up to his responsibilities as a man. He provides for his family, he protects his family and most importantly, in the dating game, he hunts his ideal mate. So ladies, if you want a man, not a boy, don’t develop a backbone on his behalf!!Do not be the hunter and do not take up the role to be the sole provider. There is nothing wrong with splitting responsibilities as a couple, but there has to be a clear agreement and understanding on this. Otherwise, you shall be enabling the boyish behavior of your partner and who can blame him when he starts acting up as a ‘boy’?

5. Security & Support System

One of my dear friends is getting married this year. We meet up for coffee some two weeks ago and she shared the story of her ex boyfriend and her fiancée and the difference between the two guys. Her ex boyfriend used to drive but he would never drop her home because he had other plans with his boys. If they were out clubbing and she wanted to go home, he bid her farewell because the night was still young and he and his boys were just getting started. Her fiancée on the other hand would never let her walk by herself, at night to her bus stage. Neither would he let another man hit on her in his presence. He supports her career, her dreams and ambitions.

 You are dating a boy if he would rather hang out with his boys at the club than drop you home or at least walk you to your bus stage. You are dating a boy if he cares less about what you do for a living, doesn’t show up when you have been bereaved or when you are unwell. A man would never let you feel insecure or unsupported.

Power puff girls or not, every woman deserves a man in her life. Someone who inspires her to be the best power puff girl that she can be!!!

Have a thoughtful day, won’t you?